Good decisions are for sissies who want the easy way out. Not you. You want life to be as difficult as possible. Sure, you could probably avoid some of life’s problems, but what’s the fun in that? Bad decisions build character and make great stories to tell your buddies. They say, “No pain, no gain.” So if you want a lot of pain, here are five easy ways to guarantee success.

car crash

1. Never Dig Below The Surface – All that matters is how good it looks on the outside.

Don’t bother looking at the heart of the issue. If it looks nice and shiny on the outside it must be good. Nobody likes a negative person who is always looking for problems. When it comes to making decisions, prettier is better.

And whatever you do, do not search for your own motivation for wanting to make the decision. If all goes according to plan, your psychiatrist will have years to do that with you later.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)

2. Don’t Ever Ask For Other People’s Opinions – You are way smarter than they are anyway.

The last thing you need is for someone else telling you what to do. You get enough of that from you mother.  What you need to do is prove to the world that you are strong enough to do it all by yourself.

Besides, if you bring other people into the decision making process, they will never understand you. That is the curse of your genius. It’s not easy being the smartest person alive. The last thing you need is another hater.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22

3. Trust No One – If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.

The last time you did a trust fall, nobody caught you. As a teenager you gave your heart to someone you loved, but they it ripped out and stomped all over it. You have been hurt before. Hopefully you have learned your lesson. Trust no one. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
 and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6  

4. Do Not Read That Dusty Old Bible – What you need is the latest self-help book.

Sure, reading your Bible is OK on Sunday morning in church. But what could it possibly have to say about the real world? I mean, Moses never saw this whole internet thing coming. Things have changed. What you really need is to jump onboard the latest New York Times best seller. Forget what Jesus said. That Dr. Phil guy really seems to know his stuff.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Psalm 119:105

5. Prayer Is Only For Emergencies After Everything Has Already Fallen Apart – God is way too busy balancing the cosmos to listen to your tiny problems.

Don’t pray prematurely. The only time you need to pray is when you have tried everything on your own and things still aren’t working. Wait until long after you have made enough bad decisions. Don’t pray until you feel like your worldis crashing in on you, and you have lost all control. Then, throw a prayer up to God, like Eli Manning throwing Hail Mary’s in the 4th quarter. At this point, you have nothing left to lose.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:5

There you have it. Follow these easy principles and your life will be a wreck before you know it, guaranteed!

What would you add to this list?